Stupid Is…

…as stupid does.

Every 4th of July someone does something less than intelligent (I dislike using the word stupid a lot, but it just keeps coming up) with fireworks and loses a hand or an arm or worse.

I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the firework type known as mortar rounds, but they have a cylindrical launch tube maybe two inches across and they stand perhaps 16 – 18 inches high. The mortar is a bulbous little grenade looking thing that has a long fuse. You drop this round into the tube, leaving the long fuse hanging out the top. You then light it, and run like hell!

A moment later there is a large foomp! The round exits the tube with an enormous force you can feel, it accelerates high in the sky and explodes with a colorful display. I love these things, and if I’m buying fireworks, I always get some mortars. But…

I have never tried to light one off of the top of my head:

It killed him instantly. Like I said, these rounds exit the tube with an tremendous force, you can feel this force from many feet away. I can only imagine, but it must have been like getting hit sharply in the head with a 5 lb. hammer when it went off. I certainly feel for the friends and family, but damn! Darwin Award.

Please use your fireworks safely. I would like to still be able to buy them next year. Okay?

Darwin Awards

I guess with Darwin Day just behind us it is appropriate to bring up a couple of Darwin awards. First up:

Snake handling preacher in Ky. dies from rattlesnake bite. Dumbass. This guy had been featured in a “hey look at me I’m a dumbass” reality TV series. In this case reality rears its ugly head. Don’t tempt fate.

Next is some dingbat apparently decided to fly 4th class. That is by hiding in the wheel well of a plane. He did not survive.

Life is difficult enough to navigate without taking needless risks. Half the time I can’t even get from my home to town without some oblivious fool trying to kill me with their car. Plus I have already taken enough risks to last me a lifetime, having been a commercial river diver for the last 30 years, fighting weather, currents, and idiots in bass boats and large cruisers, as well as having to dodge towboats pushing large tows. I understand that taking risks is a part of getting through life, but behaving in a manner that can easily get you killed needlessly, will only get you on someone’s Darwin Award list. Be smart out there. Life is short enough.