“Hey four eyes” That was a phrase I heard in my youth. You see I needed glasses by age six. I never considered it an insult, merely a fact that I wore glasses. This is however not the meaning of this creed, no its about the proliferation and rapid expansion of a set of “four eyes” that is really beginning to annoy me. What is this source of my four eyes frustration? Your car, or truck. Yes your automobile, that confligration of steel and rubber and plastic, your personal chariot of transportation.

It seems auto makers these days have decided that two headlights are not enough anymore, that four would somehow be better. I am certain if your vehicle is equipped with four lights instead of two, you must just love your new insight into the world of darkness, I bet you can see really, really well. Unfortunatley for every oncoming automobile you meet, you have just blasted them with your four eyes.

In some ways I was fortunate in my youth. I was the offspring off a truck driving family. I was driving a 13 speed semi when I was 12. Heck the first time I ever drove a car was when the roads were a solid sheet of ice, may have been 10 or 11 at the time I can thank my mother for that (thanks mom). I have been through blizzards and downpours and over the mountain, and back again. Along the way I learned from real professionals, what it takes to do get the job done, as safely as possible, and to perservere through rough times, when often all there was were rough times. I also learned, in no small way, to do what I could, when I could, to help someone in trouble, and have the utmost respect for other drivers on the highway. It is this ingrained expectation for respect that drives my frustration with four eyes. Four eyes flies in the face of respect for oncoming traffic. It is offensive, it is an invasion of privacy, it is an overdose of light, where I have become adapted to the output of my own headlamps (two eyes) It is an affront to respect itself. Indeed, if I ever (and sometimes do) accidently leave my bright lights on and hi-beam a driver, I feel like kicking myself in the rear for being so rude to that person. I feel remorse, and would never knowingly, intentionally do that to another driver, I am sorry…

So, four eyes, how do you feel? I hear you plausible arguments, I can see better, It makes me safer, the car came that way… why shouldn’t I use it? I have heard the term mentioned, driving lights. Driving lights? Really? I dont care what you call it. If your “driving lights” are equal in output to your regular headlamps, you now essentially have 4 headlamps, and…please do not insult my intelligence by trying to argue that these extra lights are “fog lamps”…”fog lamps” are amber, not white.

Or maybe, you will want to argue the “its legal” aspect. By the way I talked to a Trooper, apparently it “is” legal, “as long as the headlamps do not exceed 500 ft” (Tn.) I wonder what kind of mouth breathing moron came up with that one? Im going to tell you right now, it shouldn’t be legal at all. There needs to be legislation to level the field, and keep headlamps on vehicles limited to no more than two and standarize the wattage, before some other dingbat, in an auto manufacturers “brain crunch” for new ideas, stands up and yells “I got it!” “how about six headlights?” “Oh how the public would love their new horseless chariot to have six headlights, instead of merely four” “we can call them…ummm, driving…driving lights”…Good grief, where does it end? (silly as this sounds, it has already happened once apparently since we have four eyes now)

So, what if you have a four eyed car, and all of a sudden feel like maybe…just maybe, I have been being a jackass? Maybe my self centered outlook is a little over the top, maybe I shouldnt be so unconcerned that I have been, and still am, blinding everyone I meet? What can I do to reverse the harm I am doing? I’ll tell you what I would do. I would disable the extra lamps to keep them from coming on with the main lights. If I couldnt figure out how to do it myself, Id take it to a mechanic and have it done. If I could not afford to have a mechanic do the job, I would shoot those extra lights out with a bb gun. Yes…I would. In a heartbeat. I’ll bet the job is as simple as removing the bulbs though, or snipping a wire. Easy fix if you are so inclined. (if you are brave enough to snip the wire, please put some electrical tape on the hot side to keep it from shorting out) Another option is to not buy a car/truck so equipped.

Just for the record, my personal disdain for excessive light on automobiles, also applies to aftermarket “super headlamp replacement lights”. Those headlamps are overpowered in output, and should not be available to some goof who thinks because he/she can see better, that makes it ok to blast the highway with spotlights…I can tell you it is almost like driving into the sun at times when you meet these people on the highways.

High beams. High beams have been around for decades, they make it so we can all see better. They are also easily switched on and off to keep from blinding other people. C’mon man, if it isn’t broke, dont “fix” it. I can only hope if enough people like me, raise enough cain, maybe the the folks who have the power to fix this problem, will pick up on it, climb aboard, and begin the process of making the roads safer at night. I know when I have been been “four eyed” it takes a few moments for my eyes to readapt, and those few moments of distraction/temporary disablement, it all it takes for disaster to strike. The fact is “four eyes” your ability to see better, and which you attribute to safety, actually makes the rest of us, less safe. Irony. It aint something you do to a shirt.

I’ll tell you something else, I have had enough of this shit. If you are approaching me with your four eyes on, or your super duper extra bright, stare into the sun wattage, aftermarket lights, I am going to flash my brights back at you. You probably won’t be able to tell, but I can confirm it here and now, I will be making a hand gesture in your direction as well. I stand 5’11” and run 215 lbs of worked hard my entire life ornery, you don’t like it, let me know.