I’ve been hitting the river a couple of time a week. Digging shells, as Shelldiggers are wont to do. It’s a unique job, combining water aerobics, with dragging a boat behind you, and weight lifting, all into one activity. I’m tethered to a boat with my lifeline, which is a good sturdy rope duct taped (Red Green anyone?) to my air line. Air is supplied with an oilless compressor in the boat, driven by an 6.5hp IC engine.
So I get my boat to the water, launch it, park the truck, motor to a spot I know has shell there, or a new spot I hope has shell there, get all my gear situated for a dive, wrestle my way into a wet suit, and damn, I’ve already done more work than your average Joe manages in an entire day before I’ve even gotten wet.
Now I will crank the compressor engine, and I’ll watch the pressure guage as I’m getting ready to make a dive. I have to put on my knee pads, and pull on my diggers. Diggers are cheap ass faux leather wally world boots, that each have a modified flat bar, nail puller, bolted to them, with about 2.5″ of the flat bar protruding from the toes on the underside of the boot, made em myself. This protrusion allows for much greater traction on hardpan clay, steep inclines, and especially windy days. No shelldigger worth his weight in styrofoam goes without diggers. Side note, I knew, and thought very highly of the guy who came up with diggers. He was my friend and very well thought of, in the local diver community. Sadly he died digging shells on the Cumberland river many years ago. I really liked that guy. He had a family too…
Where was I? Ok, got my diggers on, time to get into my weight belt/harness, buckle that bad boy up, spit in a mask, rub that spit around (spit is a great defogger and it’s always in the boat,) rinse it off with a dunk in the river, put on the mask, then put on my helmet. Yeah, I said helmet. It has a 12v halogen bulb on it, that runs off my boat battery. The boat battery doesn’t drain because that 6.5 hp engine is also driving an old 1 wire style alternator, incorporated into the air compressor system, that keeps my battery charged. I started using a light back in 1990 digging shells on the Cumberland River. It turned dives that were absolute and complete lack of visibility, the sort of darkness that can only be reproduced in the depths of caves, the bottom of the ocean, or the bottom of a river 50-60 feet deep, into dives where I could at least see the river bottom within 2 feet of my surroundings. The light, not needed in shallower water so much, still comes in handy for identifying things you might pick up down there, or at times it helps you spot shells that might be keepers.
Now, I put a shell bag around my neck, attach a float rope to my weight belt, so I can tie off the sack and send the float up so I can motor to it later, and get that sack in the boat after I have get 2-3 sacks full. Time to pull anchor and jump in.
Dig shells, till I get a good sack. Usually between 80-100 lbs. Float that sack, fill another. Float that sack and get in the boat for lunch. You don’t realize all of that weight in the water, but when you pull it into the boat you notice it then. The shells, well everything, has some amount of buoyancy in the water. I usually make 2 long dives per day. Putting in 4-5.5 hours of downtime per day. Sometimes 6.
Well, I’m getting to be too old for this shit. And I have a chronic pain back condition. So I’m limited to 2 days a week max. I used to do this 6-7 days a week, but I was much younger then and hadn’t broke my back down yet 🙂
So, a couple days back I put in a good day. I’m wore out, physically exhausted, but still have to manufacture the energy to get this boat loaded up, and arrange my boat stuff for trailering, move a few buckets into the back of the truck to keep the load on the trailer down, and get back into my street clothes.
As I’m on the way to the truck, I see a bass boat on the water, pretty much right in my direction of travel. I can swing wide if I want to, but I don’t want to. I decided to take a straight shot to my truck, and slow down to idle by the fishermen in the boat instead of making a wide turn around them at speed. Perfectly acceptable water ethics. I’ve done this for decades with no issues, usually I’ll exchange a wave and a nod to people in this situation, all is well as I idle by, leaving no wake to endanger or irritate anyone, and then I motor up and move on my way. No harm, no foul. But this time, the guys in the boat seemed agitated.
Angry even. As I got closer both guys were standing up with a wtf? stance, pissed that I dared to get this close to them. I’m idled down and slowly passing and they start yelling, so I get a little closer to hear them, curious what the hell their problem is. Turns out these guys are mad because in their opinion I was too close.
They are yelling at me, and I gather they feel I’m in their “casting range” and not happy about it. I responded with “thats the funniest damn thing I’ve ever heard, from a bass fisherman.”
From the encyclopedia of Shelldigger, under the heading “Bass Fishermen”: Bass: noun, a type of fish. Fishermen: noun, plural, people who catch fish with nets, or traps, and often rod and reel, for fun and food.
Bass fishermen, are a sub species of human. They tend to have really fast boats that costs boatloads of $$, and often frequent inland waters, lakes, and rivers, in search of bass. They catch these bass for sport and participate in tournament fishing, where the biggest catch provides them cash rewards and lot of jealousy from the other fishermen who did not fare so well. These sub humans, are so honest, the winners have to go through a rigorous lie detector test in any tournament they win, because so many of them have been caught cheating over the years. Regular Trumpers.
Bass fishermen run up and down rivers and lakes at frightening speeds. Exceeding 70-80 mph. Which is very damn fast on the water. They put little value in no wake zones, people in other boats, and especially diver down flags. They will not stop to help a stranded boat on the water. In some cases they will not even deign to even speak to an actual human when approached, probably in fear of a conversation that might ensue, well above their ability to think. There should be an entire scientific field of study on bass fishermen, and their complete lack of empathy, and concern, for other boats/people on the water they inhabit. This concludes the entry in the encyclopdia of Shelldigger.
“That’s the funniest damn thing I’ve ever heard from a bass fisherman.” Oh that riled em up. The guy at the stern hereafter referred to as Dumb, he was short, a bit stocky, sunglasses, and suffering from little man syndrome, he was cussing me and tried to take a few steps towards me, I guess he was going to kick my ass, and he ran into the console of the boat. I suppose that’s good because unless he is Jesus he wouldn’t have walked too well when he got to the water. Dipstick. The other guy, henceforth known as Ass, he was the ringleader, I can read assholes from 100 yards. I knew he was the one to keep an eye on. Ass took a more steadied stance and was busy trying to size me up when I responded with “I’ve been out here for forty fucking years, and ain’t none of you sons of bitches EVER cut me any slack.”
Well Dumb, he continued hurling invectives my way, while Ass just sort of stood there. I just shook my head, and now well clear of my wake causing them any discomfort, I headed for the truck, didn’t give them the pleasure of looking back.
A couple of Billy Bob redneck bass fishermen, going to educate me on water ethics. I don’t think so.
The thing that stands out to me though, is the readiness to jump straight to verbal abuse and a threat of physical altercation. These guys are obviously a sub genus to the usual sub human bass fisherman type.
Redneckithis dumbassicus moronicus.
Whatever happened to real people?
Y’all stay safe out there. Beware of Bass Fishermen.
Evidence Based Reality 
Man, these guys are the real uglies given your description
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Yeah, a couple of real winners those two…
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Good thing they don’t go fishing with their guns. They are the kind that can escalate things too fast
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Given the nature of those two, I wouldn’t doubt they are known to fish with dynamite, have AR 15’s under their boat seats, are registered Republicans, and are card carrying KKK members.
Quadruple messed up in the head.
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I would give them a wide berth
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Lucky you weren’t at an Alabama boat dock. I hope you see them again so you can skip the no wake part.
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Ha! Yes I saw that video, I wasn’t sure they weren’t going to follow me to the boat ramp. So I’m mentally going through my list of tools in the toolbox, noting where my boat paddle is, etc etc. But they did not pursue.
Heh, there is a low speed, not yet on plane situation where a boat pretty much maximizes its wake potential. We call it “barging.” Where even a small boat can create a pretty annoying wake that will bounce you around pretty good.
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Sorry you encountered those jerks. I’m a fisherman but I don’t do boating, so I haven’t encountered this particular species of lowlife. But my old neighbor and his whole family were out on their boat fishing every chance they had so I’ve heard a great deal about people like that from him and his family and from the stories I’d here from them the behavior you saw is, alas, pretty typical.
I used to work for a few bike races every year. I suspect the semi-pro bike racers belonged to the same species as those bass fishermen. The pro racers and the amateurs were great people, but the semi-pros, the ones who thought they were good (and weren’t) were so full of themselves it was hilarious. They’d come strutting around with their $10K bikes and custom made racing gear and acting like they owned the place, trying to order around the volunteers. It was pretty sad, really.
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I’m not at all surprised it is a condition that occurs elsewhere, not in the least.
Yes, when the guys who think they “are” the shit, and they know everything about everything, those are usally the clueless Dunning Krugers.
It is sad. Funny, but sad 😉
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YOU are a GREAT story-teller!!! Loved this! ❤
MANY, MANY years ago my then-husband and I used to go bass-fishing …but it was deep water bass fishing. And I loved it! I’m guessing that the jerks you wrote about were doing “regular” bass fishing … which, as I can recall, was not that big of a thing way back when — or at least not in our neck of the woods. In any event, I’m glad the incident didn’t end up in fisticuffs! 😁
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It’s a gift I think. I know my mom had it, I know my brother does as well. Stories just tend to flow and entwine the listener into every little detail. I’ve sure enough seen it them, I reckon I inherited a bit of it too.
I’m glad it didn’t progress any further. I’m too old to be taking on 2 guys at once. But I’ll take em one at a time 😉
Seriously though, in all of my years out there I only had one other altercation with a commercial fisherman this time, this guy ran some trot lines right in front of me, then told me not to get into his lines. I just told him, “mister I’ve been in enough trot lines, you won’t even know I was there.” He left it at that. But I wasn’t real pleased with him setting the lines in front of me.
Thing is we got through it without anyone starting some yee haw Billy Bob BS.
I take that back, there was another time a Bass Fisherman came flying up behind me, running 60mph or so, and passed me within 30 feet at that speed. I flipped him off. He turned around and we had words, but he claimed he did not see my flags. Which was all I was getting out of that particular jackass. But again, there were no agressive gestures/posturing in that case either except from me flipping him off. FYI my Diver Down flag gives me a 50 foot no entry zone and a no wake zone. The other flag is the Alpha Flag, indicating my vessel is unable to move out of the way. Very few people know what these flags represent. Some do, and just don’t give a hoot. You violate my protections, there’s a real good chance the bird flies. …and there’s never a Game Warden around when you need one.
Plenty of other Bass Fishermen and 30-40 foot cruisers have seen the bird flying too. But none of them came back to ask why. Most of them do not care that they are assholes endangering peoples lives with their high speed antics, or the huge 5-6′ wakes they leave behind.
There have been at least a handful of occaisions through the years, where bass fisherman were slinging their lures right in front of me. I saw the lures trolling by. If it wasn’t so much work just to prepare for another dive, I’d have gone to the boat and give them a cussing. Had they hooked me I’d have been the guy starting trouble. Bass fishermen have no conscience whatsoever IME. Freaking sociopaths.
Glad you enjoyed my tale Miss Nan.
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After a bit of reflection, I have to retract my statement about Bass Fishermen being sociopaths. I should clarify, the ones I’ve had run ins with were total assholes, but I know I can’t reasonably paint with too broad of a brush.
Back in the heyday of shell harvesting divers, the late 80’s to mid 90’s, a LOT of those guys were also not exactly pleasant people. No, a lot of those guys were rough, tough, burly, ornery bastards as well. There are some from right here in my county still doing time for murdering a man/wife who were satellite shell buyers for a shell company. They killed them, took the money on hand, and a trailer load of shells, then burnt the house down around them. While that element did exist and cannot be denied, there were also many of us who were family men just looking to make our way as well. There was a lot of money in shells then, and it drew in a wide range of guys making a go at it. Forensic Files has an episode on the event I describe.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0978923/
I know a couple of these guys older brothers. Bumped into them at shell camps and boat ramps back in the day. (any buyer of shells was referred to as a shell camp.)
So yeah, not fair to paint with a wide brush 😉
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Yep, sounds just like rural Texas lakes, rivers, etc, with the same levels of hyper-testosterone and huge massive beer-bellies. I have SO many stories like this Shell that I could take up 3-4 pages of your comment-section. It’s disturbingly sad really, and yes, it is very reasonable to affiliate these types with the radical MAGA cult-followers.
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Hello Shelldigger. I am so happy to be reading your blog /stories again. I have to say that when you talk about your life on / in the water it is so alien to me, it is like a science fictional type story based on another planet. I read them and while I can identify with the human character in the story, the rest of the environment and other elements seem like a different world / environment. You have a gift for including your emotions and other things that keep the story very engaging. Thank you.
Shelldigger I was wondering if you still make bread. I ran into a horrible run of bad attempts due to trying to use fake sugar. I wondered how your baking attempts went because I am feeling well enough to try again. Best wishes. Hugs
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Good to see you Scottie! Thanks for dropping in. Glad you are having a good day.
Yes, I make bread a couple times a month when I’m making SD’s “Killer Potato Soup.”
I make an oatmeal bread that only uses a couple of tablespoons of brown sugar. I’d suggest not using fake sugar, unless it’s specifically called for in the recipe. It won’t likely be enough sugar involved to ruin your diet/Dr’s orders/what have you. If it is too much, then some research should uncover alternatives, and how to use them.
The key to making good bread every time is being absolutely keen on measurements. Use a flat edge to scrape your measuring cups/spoons level. Be damn scientific about the process. The bread will be consistent.
It’s also very important to put the ingredients in the mold pan, exactly in the order they are called for, and follow any other special directions to a “T”
I want to hear about your results!
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