This situation is just so messed up I don’t even know where to start. My very essence weeps at what I have witnessed. No fellow human being on this planet deserves such an indignity. Such a callous disregard for another human,  a police officer showing a downright hateful and sickening comfort during the act of the murder of a black man. The murderer a white man, along with his three accomplices.

Make no mistake, those other 3 men are just as guilty as the man who held his knee on another mans neck till he would breathe no more. If I and another three men robbed a bank and a person was killed, we would all face the charge of murder for that person. Just because these men are police, that gives them no shelter. They are all guilty, as none of them dared to intervene to stop the murder happening in front of them.

I believe the charge of 3rd degree murder as well as manslaughter was the right call. I do not really believe the intent here was murder (which is what 1st degree charge requires.) It is my feeling it was a case of inflated ego of a cop, who thinks because of his position of power, he feels free to abuse suspects. The kind of guy who gets off on roughing people up, because he carries a badge and a gun.

Warning! This narrative sounds like a B movie plot, but here we go…

Back in my youth (age 16 or 17, I don’t remember now) I was a victim of police brutality. I was set up by a damn narc. He gave me about a gram of weed supposedly a gift. He was curious about the route I would take home. Sensing no animosity or evil nature, I told him the way I’d go home. Well, lo and behold, way out in the country on a lonely road, there was a county cop. The two s.o.b’s pulled me over for no good reason at all really, except they knew I had a recent gift in my pocket. They searched my truck, then they came for me. I had the wee bit of weed in my pocket. I tossed in the woods as far as I could sling it. I knew this was some bullshit.

That’s when they attacked me. They gave me a good roughing up, beating me with their fists and batons. They handcuffed and put me in the back seat of the car. My glasses were knocked off of my face, and I asked one of them would they please pick them up. The reply I got was “what glasses?” Fucking bastard.

Well, they looked and looked for that wee little bit of weed, to no avail, and to my great satisfaction. They finally gave it up and started the drive to take me in. As we were under way they were up front talking shit about me, my family, just whatever, trying to get a rise out of me. I remained silent. It continued. One of them said something nasty about my mother, then said “ain’t that right boy?” (this is the south after all) I remained silent. Again, and louder this time he said, “I said ain’t that right…boy?” I remained silent. Remember we are way out on a country road well after dark…

The cop that was driving, and the main instigator, stopped the car. I was seated on the drivers side in the back seat with my hands cuffed behind me. They both got out, opened up the back doors, and the driver of the car went to town beating on my head and face, while the other prick whacked my feet and legs with his baton at the other end. I took a good licking there, lost a lot of hair, it was longer then. After they had had enough they took me in to the police station. Where they set about charging me with resisting arrest! EDIT: Oh yeah, I just remembered they charged me with resisting and Assault on on officer!

I was like, you have got to be kidding me! Neither of them had a hair out of place and I just had the shit kicked out of me, and they were charging me with resisting arrest. (and assault on an officer) Did I ever tell y’all how I really don’t like cops much?

So I know a little bit about the superman complex. It’s the “I’m a cop with a badge and a gun and you ain’t shit!” thing. I believe solely from my experience this is the case with George Floyd. An asshole of a cop with the superman complex, excercising his self appointed powers of brutality. Except this time it resulted in death. And except this time there were cameras rolling to document the scene.

I don’t know if race was an issue here. I don’t know the cop that did this to Mr. Floyd. He could be a racist as well an an asshole cop. All I know is I have seen first hand what cops can do when race isn’t a factor. With that said, I certainly understand that race is an issue, it has been probably soon after man left the savannah. And it is still an ugly side of humanity today. I get it. I condone peaceful protest wherever it may wish to do so. I wish I was close enough to a protest so I could join them. Even if this killer cop has no racial biases, it is still an issue of race. Because it just is, and has been for far too long. It can, and has to be both. Race, and an asshole cop with a superman complex.

Every bit of my being feels for George Floyd right now. The hell of it is this sort of injustice happens every day, to many people from all walks of life. Thankfully they don’t all end in the death of someone. There is something about cop culture that promotes this sort of behavior from our police. That something needs to be rooted out and gotten rid of. We need a police force that can protect and serve. Not a police force we need to live in fear of. A police force for all of us.

Dredging up this part of my past right now has brough forth some bad vibes. I think I’m going to put on some gloves and go hit the heavy bag for a while. I wasn’t ready to deal with this today, I don’t much care for cops. And less so killer cops.

This all better end in some convictions. It had also better start some serious reform in our police.

Ya’ll stay safe, stay healthy. And whatever you do, don’t piss off the cops.

One more thing, just in case anyone was wondering how a knee to the neck can kill. We all have carotid arteries on both sides of our necks. The knee on the neck is what’s known as a blood choke. You cut the flow of blood to the brain and the victim passes out, soon followed by death, if the choke isn’t released very soon after losing consciousness. I’m pretty sure a cop would know that…


EDIT: I was driving this morning and as I don’t care much for radio anymore I put over 300 songs on my phone, with bluetooth I have my own radio station. This song came up and I thought wow. It’s appropriate.


23 thoughts on “I CAN’T BREATHE

  1. This sort of shit can really bring out the ptsd and anxiety in a lot of us. Sorry buddy. The cops now are all ex military, many with delusions of grandeur.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know, it is PTSD. I didn’t realize that till you said it. But bringing this all up, I can feel it.

      I had no intention of going there when I started writing this yesterday evening, it just all sort of came out as I went. I have kept this bottled up for decades.

      Liked by 3 people

      • One of the reasons I avoid telling medic stories, is it just gets deeper and deeper and there’s so much to deal with it’s better to just put it away and forget it. It’s a part of life we have to compartmentalize.

        Liked by 2 people

        • I can’t imagine. That’s why we ordinary citizens appreciate the job you were part of. Thank you.

          Liked by 1 person

          • While you’re in it it doesn’t seem like such a big thing, you just go from one to the next to the next to the next… But there are certain triggers and recollections and they seem to Pop up now and then because you never dealt with it. At the time you didn’t have time to think about it. Lots of adrenaline. It was the number one reason I went to the jungle for four years, to detox

            Liked by 1 person

            • I’m glad you seem to be in a good place now Jim. I feel like I could use 4 years in the jungle right now.

              You made me think about how many NDE’s I had while diving over the years. You survive, you get to the boat, you sit there with that “whew that was close!” feeling, and then after a few minutes you realize you aren’t making any money up here in the boat, and jump back in. If you take the time to think on it, you will soon be looking for other avenues of work. But the money was good, and I had a family to feed. Hell of it is, by days end you barely remember it happened.

              Being witness to the things you had to endure, I can’t even imagine going there.

              Liked by 3 people

  2. I had a lot of run-ins with power hungry cops while growing up in Chicago. Most of my friends, because of the area I grew up in, where Puerto Rican and Mexican. We were harassed constantly when we’d gather to play softball in the park or when we were simply walking down the street. If any of us had beer or weed on us, the cops would steal it for themselves and say, “Whatcha gonna do about it, fuck heads, call the cops!?” Pricks. Fortunately, none of us were as roughed up as you were, but we all knew the potential for it was always there. We need the police. We need to trust them. Sadly, behavior like what happened recently, make this extremely difficult to do. Change must come. If it doesn’t, we are headed toward civil unrest the likes of which boggles my imagination. And trump needs to fucking go. He’s a tanker filled with gasoline and TNT sitting next to raging fires of angry citizens. The pussy hid in his bunker over the weekend while the country raged. What a piece of sissified shit he his. All of this going on make my disdain for him even worse.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Oddly enough I’m married to a Puerto Rican, and have met many Mexicans I’d call absolutely fine people. Seems to me you had good company.

      Cops don’t have to be jerks to do their job. But so many of them seem to enjoy being the pricks they have become.

      Years ago I was in a grocery line, and I noticed the guy in front of me, his shirt said something about a police training academy. I turned and said to my first wife “I wonder if they are assholes when they go in? Or if they turn them into assholes when they get there?

      The guy stiffened up, but he never turned around 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • Oh, and don’t get me started on the orange idiot. That piece of sissified play acting tough guy needs to go.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Your society is so militarized & then because every time someone has died in the hands of cops, nothing really happens so the bad ones know they can get away with it. But even there were consequences, I am not sure if this would lead to much if the training ain’t changed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, there appears to be a culture of abuse, then otherwise good people stand by and let it happen. The two factions are codependent.

      I think it needs to be dismantled and built back up from scratch. With all new people, who can pass a basic psych exam.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Can’t happen especially as inequalities continue to increase. So social conditions must be addressed alongside police training

        Liked by 1 person

        • Social conditions need much addressing. I mean many of us are happy enough to scrape by till we die, and hope to not leave much of a burden for our children. In all honesty that’s about all most of us can hope for. Sadly many can’t make it to that short plateau.

          Police training needs to stop dehumanizing suspects, a.k.a. not cops. I suspect they drill into the recruits its you or them. While that can sometimes be the case, it in all liklihood won’t be. There is no good reason for cops to be such assholes, except for the fact they like doing it. Those people need to be weeded out.

          Just look at the cop who killed George Floyd, he had a history of violent encounters, and complaints. I am sure there are many more just like him or worse. They should not be that difficult to find. Look at their damn records.


          • It’s like even people who are not assholes become so when they become cops. It’s like the way an activist changes once they get to parliament. It could be the job. It’s fit only for assholes.


            • I have often wondered that very thing. The non corrupt appear to soon become so, not very long after they gain an office, or a position on the police force. Brutality itself can be a form of corruption, if you did not start the job with it already.


  4. Shell,

    MAN does this country need ever so badly another Martin Luther King, Jr. (how ironic is that!?) or another Mahatma Gandhi!!! I mean, WORSE than bad right now! This past weekend Dallas have three straight nights of protests, violence, looting, and eventually thousands of arrests. Our Governor had to send in all available State Troopers in all four major cities in Texas Saturday, THEN Sunday he called in the National Guard AND curfews were put in place in downtown Dallas—7pm to 6am. We are one step away from Marshall Law. 😔

    Liked by 1 person

    • Damn Prof, keep your head down man.

      I’m all for peaceful protest, but when things go to looting and burning, you are not helping your cause. Burning down your community is counterproductive in so many ways. And the out of towners showing up for a looting party, they are no better than the asshole cops the protesting is about.

      I’m sure any day now the orange idiot will give a thoughtful and moving speech that will calm everyone down and unify our country. Ha!

      Seriously man, be safe down thar in Dallas.

      Liked by 2 people

      • You are absolutely correct Shell. As I mentioned over on Robert’s blog today…

        In the annals of history and inside our nation’s covert agencies since at least WW2, it is a VERY WELL-KNOWN tactic of subterfuge to undermine a civil-social movement gaining momentum in the masses, especially movements that are peaceful and reminiscent of a Martin Luther King, Jr. or Mahatma Gandhi PEACEFUL protests. Here in Dallas several protesters who never wanted ANY violence or looting—it was never their intention—watched as ‘strangers’ inside their ranks became increasingly bold and inciting violence. IOW, the “establishment” (most likely racists whites) intentionally infiltrate perceived enemy Movements to disrupt and malign their messages. The U.S. CIA (to name only one agency) has used this tactic on several occasions in foreign countries against governments the U.S. saw as a threat to America’s foreign interests. They and racist organizations can easily utilize the exact same tactics here.

        We peaceful citizens MUST be smart, cunning, and fully realize that enemies of PURE democracy, liberty, full equality, and ALL the accountability that civil duties REQUIRE a democracy to participate in and protect… we must ALSO be cognizant that enemies of our ideals will stop at nothing to undermine and destroy everything that is good FOR ALL human beings. Do NOT underestimate what narcissists, egomaniacs, megalomaniacs, Plutarchs, and Oligarchs are capable of doing to achieve their greedy, selfish goals!


  5. Oh I have no doubts as to those who would seek to hijack a genuine cause and twist it to suit their agendas.

    I think if everyone of peaceful intent set a time of day to call it quits, it might be easier to sort out the riff raff. But that would be too damn easy to do and makes too much sense to ever get it done.

    Probably the best we can hope for is that this settles down on its own, and soon. The wife informed me we ought to go shopping tomorrow. Stock up a little more on our Covid self quarantine backups. She even told me to stock up on ammo, and she really isn’t that kind of gal. I hope she doesn’t know something I don’t.


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