So I’m kicking back on the couch, watching some show on the boob tube, and this commercial comes on. Looks like Gillette has a new fancy razor that operates on a ball swivel. Apparently it does all of this incredible manly stuff like…shave. I admit I was a slow starter for facial hair. By the time I was 16 I had to maybe shave maybe once a week. Since then I have seen all kinds of gimmicky razors come down the pike.

I remember those old man razors, the all metal housing, twin side shavers that you have to put razor blades in. I saw many of them growing up, but by the time I actually needed to shave both Bic and Gillette had disposable single side razors in plastic housings that did what they were supposed to do. Shave.

Next thing you know they have a new razor, that is twice as good, it has two blades! I admit I used them for a while. You know what they did? Shave.

Now once the twin blade had been established they came out with a 3 blade razor…then a 4 blade razor, because you know, you could never have possibly shaved with a single blade…right?

Now the ball swivel razor. The absolute modern must have tool for following the contours of a manly face. The hot rod of shavers, it puts all the others to shame. It must, according to the manly man voice hawking them be the bestest razor of all time. You know what it does? Shave.

I must be turning into a grumpy, crotchety old geezer. All I see anymore is some new gimmick on the TV commercials. The new must have thingy! The one thing no one can live without! The new uber gadget with onboard spraying devices and flashing lights and happy faces peddling them. You know what they do? Mop.

I have seen some new gadget that looks like a hot plate, that looks pretty neat. It heats the pan, but is cool to the touch. That is a pretty cool detail, but I have a stove that does the same exact job. Do I really need another gadget cluttering up the counter, or collecting dust in the cabinet? …no.

I swear every commercial peddling some new gimmicky item that does the same job as a time proven device that already exists and does the exact same job, is an insult to my intelligence. Especially the commercials that show some inept fool bumbling around with the “old school tool”, whose life would be made so much better with the brand X super impressive thingy! C’mon man.

The new exciting multi bladed solar powered slap chopper! I have a sharp knife and a cutting board…thanks. The super duper teeny blender! I have a time tested blender on the counter, it has made many a margarita and with any luck will make a thousand more. The amazing doo dad that does amazing doo dad stuff! I think I am past the amazing doo dad point in my life. Hell by the time I get the amazing doo dad prepped, plugged in, and selected the proper doo dad setting, I could have handled the problem with a paper towel.

Now there have been some real achievements through the years, Formula 409 is a good cleaner. The scrubbing bubbles thing…not so much, a gimmick. The cheap disposable razor was quite the invention, it works, in its simplest form. Edge shaving gel is by far the best improvement made in the shaving department in the last 30 years. It far surpasses the old school Barbasol stuff, if a new item actually makes a large improvement over the old item I wouldn’t consider it a gimmick. My wife has a non stick meatloaf pan with a drip pan, that thing works great. The microwave may be one of the best gadgets ever. The refrigerator as well. Washers and dryers have improved everyones standard of living. There are things that have made their way into everyone’s homes that do a specific job well.

The gimmick isn’t even something new, it is a gadget that performs the same exact task as an existing tool. It is peddled to the masses as the newest, bestest, must have item…and I suspect since I see so much of this crap, people buy them. As much as I dislike it, the gimmick advertising apparently works. Though I often wonder how well these gimmick items actually work, and do they hold up to normal use? My gut tells me probably not so much. But what the hey, for an additional $4.95 plus handling charges you can get two!

I just wish the next new gadget would be on par with the fridge or the microwave. Instead of the same old crap in a shiny new package. Like a fricken razor on a ball swivel. Maybe if they would put 42 blades in it, and attach that ball swivel razor to a V-8 engine, we would have something interesting? It would be by far the meanest manly razor ever! When they come out with one like this, remember you saw it here first!

7 thoughts on “Gimmicks

  1. Seems to me like if they can put an ice maker and a TV in a fridge, they should be able to put a microwave in one as well.

    And I’m with you all the way on the razors. “Patented FIVE BLADE protection.” Five fucking blades? Give me a break. My face grows hair, not barbed wire. If you need five blades to remove your facial hair you might want to call Dr. Van Helsing.


    • Lol! I know! Hell if you are the wolfman it might be easier to just wait till sunup, than to try and shave, geez.

      …and how the hell do you even shave with 4 or 5 blades? I can’t even imagine trying to.

      It’s all about the gimmick, the advertising, the convincing the convincible that they need the new thingy. If you don’t have the new thingy you are somehow less the man. Or something like that.

      Now I am off to order me some cheesy crust pizza! Can you imagine? Cheese and pizza!! It’s a breakthrough!!1! eleventy!!


  2. Hahahaha!
    There are people who rush to buy these new and improved stuff only to find they could be useless.


    • Heh, no arguments from me Mak. My wife had me pick up a Swiffer several years ago, I suppose they work great for some I don’t know. You know how much it gets used? The ole broom and the dustpan get all of the work time, and I use the vacuum attachments to clean the ceiling fans. The Swiffer just sits there, I figure to toss it out when no one is looking.

      I hope all is well in your part of the world. πŸ™‚


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