Sharknado, SYFY’s Chumbucket

Slow TV night. I had read other takes on this SYFY movie, that it was horrible, terrible to the point of being ridiculous, and it is. This is one of those movies that if you made a drinking game up to take a shot for every stupid action in the movie, you would be passed out drunk after the first few minutes. The only winner being the maker of your preferred alcoholic beverage. 

The stupid comes at you hard and fast. There is so much of it, it would take hours to document. All I can say really, is my 12 year old son could do a better, more realistic job at producing and directing a movie. SYFY should take a long hard look at their “movie” department, and clean house appropriately. Heads should roll. 

Did I mention it was a slow TV night? Directly after the “S” word movie that shall not be named, they premiered Blast Vegas. Another lousy not even “B” movie. At least this one while poorly done, with the usual lousy graphics and even more lousy acting, had a plot that was mildly interesting. This one follows the tried and true “unlikely hero that gets the girl” formula that you can see coming from a mile away. But it managed to hold itself together amid the unrealistic scenarios and bad decisions by the next soon to be dead people, ala the redshirts of Star Trek. For the most part though it features the cheezy-ness and and sure signs of a low budget flick that SYFY is becoming famous for. Famous in a bad way. Still way better than the “S” movie that that shall not be named, which isn’t saying much.

When did TV movies become a synonym for check your IQ at the door? Is the public at large really so shallow minded and unable to distinguish between a well thought out plot with sincere acting and a stinking pile of crap that has no visible merit except some fake blood, terrible renditions of computer graphics, maybe some leg showing, and some boobies bouncing around? (Wait…don’t answer that. I sometimes have to go to town and interact with the public at large. I think I instinctively have a strong hunch, I just don’t want to know I know.) The next logical step would be to ask the executives at SYFY the same questions and see what floats to the surface…I wonder who they answer to? Do they approach this from the “any attention is good attention angle”? Do they keep churning out these flimsy excuses for TV movies just because advertisers will pay for the commercial slots? If I was an advertising agency, Id think twice about associating myself with dreck like this, but logic tends to run in short supply where it is needed most. 

We can only hope that SYFY steps up and does a better job at the Saturday evening movie thing they are doing (well it used be a Sat night thing). I have very sincere doubts that this will happen, given the direction and the steepness of the downhill slide they are heading in. Indeed all of TV seems to be heading towards the same cesspool of blissful ignorance with no signs of intelligent thought. I fear for our grandchildren. 

Can we get back to baseball please? I know they are grossly overpaid and over idolized, and they have to do that damned disgusting Glob Bless Amerika song (gotta love the mute button), but the game is real. I long for REAL. Give me something real that doesn’t stink of shallow stupidity or manufactured drama…and cake, I like cake.

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